Why is he like this??

Four nights now. He has gone downstairs to sleep on the couch. There is always a reason, supposedly. One night it was that he just could not sleep. Another night it was because our son crawled into bed with us. Another night it was because I had my reading light on. He is the one that got me the reading light; did he expect me not to use it?? I have no idea what last nights reason was as he was gone before I went downstairs this morning. I found that he destroyed the entire living room to make a bed on the floor and then left it for me to clean up. I do not know why he always does this! Look, I know that his mother waited on him hand and foot until he left home and she still does it when he goes to her apartment but he is not a child anymore. A man in his thirties should not still have to be taken care of. He does not know how to do laundry, cook, do dishes, or anything else a man of his age should know how to do. When he eats he walks away from the dirty dishes. When I am not home he always leaves glasses of soda, juice, etc. laying everywhere and then proceeds to get mad at ME when I get home because the toddler spilled everything. How can I pick up his glasses if I am not home???? Unfortunately I am seeing that my sons are now refusing to do anything. They see their father doing nothing and that I have to do everything so they are learning that a man does nothing and the woman does everything. I just do not know what to do anymore. GAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Finals Week

I have finals in both of my college classes this week and I am seriously surprised that I am passing. My husband, whom I have been with for a long ten years now, does not understand the importance of college as he never got past middle school. All I ask is for him to watch the toddler for a few hours so that I can study but he thinks that watching soccer on TV is WAY more important than letting his wife study. Luckily my boys understand the importance and always happily take their sister outside or upstairs to play with her so that I can get some work done. It has taken me ten years but I am now realizing that my husband is not the man I thought I would be married to. I figured that his controlling and demeaning behavior would eventually diminish as he matured. I was wrong. While he is not physically abusive or controlling he tends to mentally abuse me. This week it is being angry and annoyed with me and, as usual, will not tell me why. He only gets angrier if I insist he tell me. I truly believe that, at times, he has no idea why; he just wants to be angry with me or something. Men--will they ever grow up! LOL. Luckily, over the past decade I have learned to deal with it. I no longer feel like I am some sort of victim because of the way he treats me. A victim would try to leave. I stay. Not because I want to or because I still think that he will change but because it is what is best for my children right now. I am unable to provide for them because I am a full time student therefore I do not work. I will not diminish the quality of life they are accustomed to just so that I can be happy; that is not what a mother does. We make sure our children are happy first and then work on ourselves. Anyways, I got off track! Finals. Ugh. I know that I will ace one but the other is on critical thinking and I have to write a paper and, to be honest, although I am able to critically analyze and think with the best of them, doing it in certain steps and being able to explain, step by step, on how I came to my conclusion is another thing. While I could completely bomb this final and still pass because I am getting an A in the class, I am so close to finally achieving a 4.0 and not doing well on this will destroy those odds. Blech. Finals stress me the hell out!!!! I hope that you all have a terrific week--those with children are starting summer vacation (including mine) so I wish you all good luck! LOL

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off." 
— Stephen King (Storm of the Century: An Original Screenplay)




Much love,
JMS