Finals Week

I have finals in both of my college classes this week and I am seriously surprised that I am passing. My husband, whom I have been with for a long ten years now, does not understand the importance of college as he never got past middle school. All I ask is for him to watch the toddler for a few hours so that I can study but he thinks that watching soccer on TV is WAY more important than letting his wife study. Luckily my boys understand the importance and always happily take their sister outside or upstairs to play with her so that I can get some work done. It has taken me ten years but I am now realizing that my husband is not the man I thought I would be married to. I figured that his controlling and demeaning behavior would eventually diminish as he matured. I was wrong. While he is not physically abusive or controlling he tends to mentally abuse me. This week it is being angry and annoyed with me and, as usual, will not tell me why. He only gets angrier if I insist he tell me. I truly believe that, at times, he has no idea why; he just wants to be angry with me or something. Men--will they ever grow up! LOL. Luckily, over the past decade I have learned to deal with it. I no longer feel like I am some sort of victim because of the way he treats me. A victim would try to leave. I stay. Not because I want to or because I still think that he will change but because it is what is best for my children right now. I am unable to provide for them because I am a full time student therefore I do not work. I will not diminish the quality of life they are accustomed to just so that I can be happy; that is not what a mother does. We make sure our children are happy first and then work on ourselves. Anyways, I got off track! Finals. Ugh. I know that I will ace one but the other is on critical thinking and I have to write a paper and, to be honest, although I am able to critically analyze and think with the best of them, doing it in certain steps and being able to explain, step by step, on how I came to my conclusion is another thing. While I could completely bomb this final and still pass because I am getting an A in the class, I am so close to finally achieving a 4.0 and not doing well on this will destroy those odds. Blech. Finals stress me the hell out!!!! I hope that you all have a terrific week--those with children are starting summer vacation (including mine) so I wish you all good luck! LOL

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off." 
— Stephen King (Storm of the Century: An Original Screenplay)




Much love,
JMS